2003-02-28 10:39 pm

The First Girl I Ever Really Loved

Every half day I used to go into town and wander about. I liked looking at the people and the castle, but really I was hoping to bump into a girl I was in love with. I reasoned that if I went in to town often enough, I was bound to see her eventually. I had no idea what I would do if I did, I did not dare to think about talking to her. I supposed I might watch her, or just catch a glimpse and then turn away and get on the bus and go back to school.

So I would walk around the town, trying to look at everyone in the busy street, thinking that she could be any one of them. I learned to take everyone in at once, in clumps, and even today I can spot a face in a crowd almost immediately, or a word on a page. Sometimes I bumped into other people I knew, and I always cursed them, and gave up the search immediately, knowing that my luck had been used up for that day, and it was absurd to expect to meet two people I knew one after the other.

I made the trip three times a week for three years, always looking for the same girl. I never once saw her.

Eventually I worked up the courage to ask her out - not on a date, just to meet up and wander round for a bit.

She stood me up.

[next]