2003-02-27 9:59 pm

Bones and Baseball Cap

On the bus into work a man sits behind me chewing on a chicken leg. He has a whole bucket of chicken legs on his lap, and they are smothered in a barbecue sauce. The smell is thick and sweet.

I sit down in front of him, and I realise immediately that I have made a terrible mistake. He is smacking his lips and guzzling the food in the most monstrous fashion. I have headphones on, and I turn the music up as loud as it will go, but still I can hear him slobbering away behind me, and the guitars roaring in my ears do nothing to distract me. I can hear the flesh tearing, and the tongue rolling the meat around inside his mouth. I begin to imagine that he is being as noisy as possible because he knows I am listening, and I find myself listening as hard as I can for the slobbering sounds, because they are so horrible.

Then the noise stops. He has gobbled it all down at the most fantastic speed. I turn round cautiously. I did not see the man go, but there is no-one on the bus behind me. The bucket full of gnawed chicken bones, sucked clean, has been left on the seat. On the floor there is a beige New York Yankees baseball cap. I take it home and give it to my flat-mate, who is delighted.

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