2003-02-25 11:17 am

Let's Politicise Childhood

Part of me believes that goodness will prevail, as if it's a natural law.

Part of me also believes in the Tooth Fairy.

Good always wins in the end - we teach this to our kids to reassure them. But it doesn't have any bearing on reality. If someone wants to mug you in the street, then they will, and Mr Miyagi isn't going to cartwheel over the chainwire fence to save your sorry ass.

I propose that we tell our kids what the world is really like. Most people lead fragile lives. Most people die unhappy and unfulfilled. Most people don't enjoy the quality of life that a shoe salesman working for £3 an hour enjoys.

We can turn our kids into a sort of angry majority!! We can breed in them hatred of the current systems of materialism, total warfare, and mass media, and then unleash them into the world when they are old enough to vote or join the Labour party.

Think of it! An army of child anarchists, each armed with a crowbar and a canister of red spray paint. How wonderful it would be! How quickly everything would be made right. Power to the Children! May they have strong arms and bright, shining teeth. May they learn from an early age how to crawl beneath funnels of barbed wire! May they learn to spot the semantic meaninglessness of a billboard caption from 100 yards! Ah, if only my parents had been brave enough to breed me for idealogical warfare, how integrated I would be now!

Is childhood a time of magic and exploration? Next time you see a grotty little kid, ask the young tosser if he or she would rather go for a nature ramble in the woods, or have a Happy Meal at McDonalds.

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